The afterschool care worker pulled me aside, her look one of bemusement.
“So…your son is in his extra clothes,” she said, smirking.
“The kids go the bathroom in twos, and he and his buddy played a game of crossfire.”
I look at her, blank.
‘You know, they try to pee in each others urinals? Anyway, his buddy had aim issues.”
Then we are both laughing. On the way home my son and I discussed why this wasn’t such a good idea.
“It’s called pee-fight,” He informs me. “And I lost.” I can’t help but laugh, this is the kind of thing that all parents love, an issue that isn’t one.
Yet, the next day the Mom whose son had aiming difficulties came up to me.
“Did the kids club call you?” “Noo…” I wonder aloud.
“Oh, well, there was a bathroom issue…” Her face shows careful concern.
The light-bulb goes off and I start laughing. “Oh that! Funny, huh?” Her body relaxed and she smiled in gratitude. I guess she thought I would judge her or her kid.
This really struck me, she was actually worried. But why wouldn’t she be? I had one Mom call me “one of those parents” after seeing my organic kids snacks. Little did she know I fed them “Toy-story” chicken nuggets for dinner.
Passing judgment is so prevalent that I am starting to think that we as a society judge first, and ask questions later. I am not exempt.
Was it always this way?
I remember, from a seven year old view, an incident at a 4H club. Our group of kids were happily stamping potato art, making smiley faces and leafs, when the volunteer Mom let out a gasp. Daniel, the oldest, was stamping an elaborate swirl all over his paper. I learned later that it was a swastika.
“You can’t, do that…design…” the woman stated, her face ashen, barely controlled anger emitting from her hissing. The Mom was called, Daniel was escorted out. As the other Moms filed in for pick-up time, Volunteer Mom shared her disapproval. The tsk-tsking that ensued made the rest of us aware that some serious shit went down. Daniel’s family did not return.
Were the parents right to judge? Was the problem the parents or the kid? Why did the Volunteer Mom say anything to anyone?
Now I am a Mom, doing the best I can, when I can. I think that’s what we all do.
Time to stop voting.