Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that’s all there is my friends, then let’s keep dancing
Let’s break out the booze and have a ball If that’s all there is…
Peggy Lee
Ages ago I ran into a friend, working at a convienence store. I didn’t know him well. “What’s up Steve?” I offered. “I’m moving to California!” He said, excited. “What’s in California?” I asked, innocently enough. “Oh…a girl,” he said, trailing off, ringing up my goods. Three weeks later I came back to find him still there. “I thought you were off to California!” I said. Steve looked at me, smiling. “Well, I thought about what you said……” he was contemplating, looking past me. I was wracking my brain. What did I actually say? Oh no, what had I said?
“You said, “what’s in California?” and I took a good long hard look at what really was in California. I realized that I was misplacing myself to run away from things, and I hardly knew this girl. I realized…” He went on and on. My mouth slightly agape, I told him I was glad he figured things out, and that I’m sure everything would be great for him.
I left, gob-smacked. He somehow took my small talk as a profound revelation about his life. Perhaps something… that simple is our reason for being, otherwise known as “the butterfly effect”? I said one thing that altered the course of his life, in turn altering the course of hers, etc. I’m sure many a Linklater movie has been dedicated to it, and I know scads of novels delve into the same idea. Its’ hard for us to comprehend that we don’t have some larger role to play, as we focus on finding our true role that we must fulfill: our PURPOSE. It’s a small word with large connotations, often unattainable and ever elusive. Many of us thought purpose would have a large underline or two beneath it, after we had kids, as if kids were the Holy Grail of Meaning. For a while, they were. Of course they were, as we accepted our newfound responsibility with a fervor that lasted only as long as it could, before those responsibilities began to grind, test our patience, test our relationships. We will do our best and love them without question. There will always be purpose, now.
But what about…the other purpose? Many people I know (including myself) feel a niggling itch at the base of the brain, as we grow older and our passions and dreams feel distant. Plans we made changed, ideas and ideals have taken a backseat to everything else. Jobs are just that, not a “calling”. We hear about this thing called “work life balance” and read about CEO’s who juggle their lives with ease, de-licing their children on Lear jets on their way to important meetings. They seem to have purpose. We hear these things and think, jeez, I can’t even get the lunches packed without shouting. Is this all there is?
Purpose is set on a high shelf. When we finally reach our goal, we say, “Good. I’ve reached my goal! I’ve done it! That’s it, I’ve found purpose!” Within a week, or an hour, we are concerned that maybe we didn’t find it, after all, and set a new goal that is safely out of reach. We focus on finding our reason for being, or we might not be living to our fullest. We defeat ourselves before we even begin, trapped inside our own heads. What if it isn’t about that? What if it is just us, flapping our wings, butting up against each other?
There is nothing wrong with goals, they focus us and give us drive. But all too often I find myself confusing the goal with actual purpose. Perhaps our children and our lofty ambitions are not the only reason we are around. We share an interconnectedness that we will never fully understand, and our words, our actions, our very breath, have meaning. We don’t always know what it is we are here for, or why, and becoming comfortable with that is the real challenge.