You’d think after years of doing this, I’d learn. Somehow I don’t slow down, look before I leap, or heed the “buyer beware”. I opened the freezer a few days ago to find a “quick fix” dinner. Talapia…Oh yeah! I’d decided to buy something never tried before, just in case it resonated with the kids and I could use it in emergencies. But I didn’t look closely. It seems I never do. SPICY CHIPOLTE TALAPIA I read, finally scrutinizing the packaging. Dammit! This was never going to go down. I don’t even want to eat that. Why would they make frozen fish like this? Why? That’s like making Edamame string cheese or root beer flavored bacon. It went back in the freezer. I could have just thrown it away but I am cheap as well as stupid, so I decide that as some sort of penance I will have to eat it. The Talapia “reveal” came the day after I discovered that I had not bought a six-pack of pound sugar, helpfully boxed up for me, in the lower aisles/bowels of Costco. I had purchased… 2,000 individual packets of sugar!
Dammit!
That is really not helpful when it comes to baking. I joked with a friend that I would hand them out at Halloween, instead of buying candy. I’ll just tell the kids that they can “get the straight stuff here.” I am still considering this, as I am also not the type of person who keeps receipts. Or sometimes I keep them, in a very safe place at the bottom of my purse or in the recycling bin. I don’t actually want to think about how much I’ve spent, so I pretend it’s not important. My husband now asks for the receipts for large purchases, stapling them onto the warranties and care information. This is what most (smart) people do. I will admit, sometimes I do this, but not nearly often enough. Clothing receipts, yes, grocery and miscellany, no. Even with a receipt, who wants to return three cans of French cut green beans with seasoning? Not only did I get it wrong once, but I had THREE chances to actually look at what I was buying. And it was wrong in two ways: French cut, seasoning. It had to be scanned in front of me…more chances to rein it in. Low fat mushroom soup, no fat cottage cheese, no taste ranch dressing, the list goes on. I don’t want low-fat food, even if I should have it. I want fully leaded, always. I’m sorry people at the food bank. Those cans of random, shitty foods were from me ( the seasoned ones anyway). Cringe. At least there aren’t low fat bananas, I always get that one right.
I also buy the incorrect lightbulb for the bathroom fixtures, every single time, until I actually unscrew one and take it to the store with me (if anyone needs the roundish ones with the fat base, not the skinny base, let me know, I have about 40). Why am I admitting this? I don’t know, perhaps it is a cry for help. I need an “attention intervention”. Except I come by it naturally, my mother also has this affliction. She says it happens most often when in the grocery store, because she is usually in a hurry and too busy to really take notice/care. We aren’t foodies, my Mom and I (hence the buying of mushroom soup in the first place). Her personal best is still a family joke. My Aunt had recently introduced her husband into the family, and he was still politely testing the waters, braving the family Christmas, in its entirety. We used to draw names to buy gifts, allowing each person to get one big thing they didn’t need opposed to millions of truly crappy items that no one ever needs. Mom had his name.
He tentatively ripped at the wrapping paper, reveling a new, shiny pair of…bolt cutters.
“Gee Chris, “ He said. “This will really come in handy if I’m trying to break into a building, or a chain link fence…”
We all howled with laughter.
“OH!” she said, totally surprised. “I thought I’d bought you tree trimmers!”
I wish I could say this will get better, but knowing my Mom, and how alike we are, I’d say it won’t.