So we all know the real reason I have a blog is to make others feel better about themselves, right? Okay. Just getting that out of the way. This blog will serve you well.
The buzzword of today is mindfulness. What exactly is….mindfulness?
I’m sure there are many definitions that involve taking one’s time, slowing it all down, breathing. Stopping to smell the roses, actually stopping, not just noticing them as you sprint by. Some definitions would also talk about being present, and noticing what is happening in this moment, almost as if you were a passive observer. Take it all in. Notice, don’t react. Just…be. This is a lovely and flowery vision of mindfulness.
I’d like to include….mindfulness: stopping yourself from being a f@$%ing idiot. Like, the other morning. I left my door open. Wide open. I always tell the kids to close the door after them…but apparently I was too busy not using my actual mind to remember to close a door. I have nice neighbours who only helped themselves to one beer and shut the door for me. Phew!
Due to my not-being-mindful-or-slowing-down-for-a-second type, I almost removed eye makeup with fingernail polish remover. Yeah, I was tired. And I might have had a glass (or three) of wine that particular night. But you know what? That is just not right. BE MINDFUL WITH YOUR FACE. A tiny little bit of brain clued in at the last second, noting the smell of nail polish remover, and I halted that one with Chuck Norris like reflexes, “Whhoooahh!” ever so close to burning the shit out of my own eyeball.
Speaking of smell…Sooooooo, the other day I dropped some fish oil on the floor. Lemony scent fish oil that I was sure was going to help everyone in the family with whatever might ail them. I cleaned it up, grumbling about how anything other than that would be ok to drop, and used lots of paper towels, so I wouldn’t contaminate the washer. And then, I made a final pass with a cloth in the kitchen, intending to throw it away. This is where it gets dumb, fast.
I put the cloth on the counter and went to deal with some other household shit-storm, forgetting all about it. Later, as I was passing by and collecting laundry, I chucked this cloth into the basket. Lemon-scent, remember? The cloth was not emanating uber-fish smell… yet. I did a load of laundry, with all the little things: socks, underwear, face cloths. Then another load of sports wear. I thought, Look at me! I am getting so much done today! I throw the loads in the dryer. I do not notice the fishy smell coming from the dryer because I am once again dealing with some other thing/kid/chore that needs doing.
I AM NOT BEING Mother#$@%@ MINDFUL AT THIS TIME.
Until I go to fold.
I reach into the dryer to collect the second batch, and whoohha, what the hell? Why does everything smell like a salmon’s hot crotch?
Oh.
A thought comes to mind, a friend’s go-to phrase. You have to say it altogether, fast.
Ohmyfuck.
I have just layered a ton of clothing in fish oil.
I got a sinking feeling in my gut, like when I destroyed my Mom’s sports car by running it into a Frito Lay truck. Wait, you’ve never done that? Ok, a different example. I got the feeling in the pit of my stomach that feels like I’ve killed something close to me, something I love and depend on and need ALL THE TIME. Sure I love my family more. But perhaps the washer-dryer combo is a close second. When we invested in the good ones I told everyone I knew. I’m an adult now! If you want proof, come see my dryer!
I didn’t cry, I swore a lot. And then I googled “How to get fish smell out of your dryer” and felt much better noting that many others had done the same thing, because knowing you are not alone in stupidity makes it somehow better. I proceeded to spend the weekend washing, scrubbing, scouring, making volcanoes in the dryer with baking soda and vinegar, making lemonade in the dryer, using Dawn detergent in the washing, re-washing, and throwing away vast amounts of cloths and underwear.
ALL BECAUSE I WAS NOT MINDFUL, PEOPLE.
And the good sports bra, the one that costs as much as a pair of shoes, the one you should not go without for fear of endangering others? I washed it and washed it and washed it. It still has a mild fishy smell, but I’m ok with that. It’s a natural repellant. I will have the corner spaces all to myself now, people will make way for me to get through.
The worst part was admitting it to my husband. If he’d been the one to do it, there would have been hell to pay. I know it and he knows it, it would have really hit the fan. So I had to suck that one up, and it’s almost as if he’s got a card in his back pocket now.
So, be mindful. Use your brain. Stop and smell the roses… and try not to be so effing stupid.