We’ve all had the feeling where we’ve wanted to inject ourselves into a movie, to be the character in it, to live like they do. The last time I had such a reaction was while watching Black Panther. The women in it were tall, beautiful, bald (I have often thought hair is an incredible bother and waste of time) and above all?
Extremely Good at Kicking Ass.
These women flew through the air with grace and power, they chucked weapons and disarmed bad guys and were the protectors of the Entire World, including all the MEN. Nothing we women don’t know already, but perhaps, other than Diana of Wonder Woman fame and her clan of Amazonian sidekicks, not something we often see on film. It’s there in real life, for sure, you hear of women lifting cars off their children or punching cougars in the face, etc. But how often do you really get to be the ass-kicker?
I left the movie emboldened. I, too, wanted to kick much ass!
![](https://i0.wp.com/sub.erinmacnair.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/kick-300x283.png?resize=246%2C232)
Yeaahhhh!
Sure, I’m a pudgy middle-aged Mom who for some godforsaken reason still has acne and the beginnings of arthritis. But who says I can’t kick a little behind?
First stop: shave the head.
I thought about this, I really did. But I must admit I am unlike the women of Wakanda. I, unfortunately, have zero colour in my skin and if I stand near anything painted olive I look like I am about to throw up. These women, with their flawless skin and beautiful eyes…they do not need hair. But I still need it to hide all the other stuff going on. If I shaved my head I might as well cast myself as the resident zombie/undead antihero. Which would still be cool, but generally zombies are not kicking anyone ass, just slowly chasing after it.
Second stop: Get SuperFit! There’s no pretending on this one. None of those women had elasticized pants on. None of them. I’m not going to harp on it, because I’ve made it to this age and am thankful, but they don’t call it “middle” age for nothing. There it is. Right in the middle. That soft spot my daughter likes to rest her head on when she reads because it’s like a warm, memory foam pillow.
So. It started off well.
I went to my gym every other day. Then I did hot yoga four days in a row. It was working! I was feeling Limber, getting Lithe! I’d eschewed beer in favor of protein shakes. I realized… this is working! I’m on my way to hurtling over cars and swinging from vines! Then I sort of twist my ankle and re-injure my shoulder and go on vacation and eat, I shit you not, Brie Cheese Curds. Did you know there was such a thing? I had no idea. Of course, they needed to be tried, right? I mean, come on. If the women of Wakanda had cheese curds like these, they too would own shapewear. But, they would have discipline, wouldn’t they?! They might admire the cheese curds, or sniff them, but realize that the world might fall apart if they don’t run fast enough to catch the bad guy. Where are my priorities? There are bad guys to (pretend to) catch. There are worlds to (pretend to) save. There are buttons on my pants that need to be done up.
Third Stop: Kick ass…in my mind. I love the women of Wakanda, but I’m going to have to figure out how to kick ass in some other ways (she says, icing her shoulder). I recently met up with a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in twenty years. She has helped start a school that teaches Ojibwa, to help ensure her language is not forgotten, to help her community. She is an Ass-Kicker. I have friends who fight for their community, who fight for the rights of their children, who take the time out of their day to help others, who run for causes, who mentor others-the silent Ass-Kickers of the world. They aren’t immediately recognizable by their shaved heads and cool outfits. But their weapons are honed: intelligence, wit, empathy, honesty. They sharpen their skills of self-reliance and carve out space for others, too. Actually, it sounds a lot like I am describing my Mom. I really don’t have to look far for inspiration.