As the song goes, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. But for many people, Christmas is like being handed a bag of dicks. (Sorry about that visual). There’s a lot going on in people’s lives that they can’t control, or wish was different, and Christmastime highlights this for many. My own version of this song varies, the lyrics changing depending on the political atmosphere or what things might be annoying me about Christmas.
“…Unless your loved ones are dead and you live in a tent and you’re filled with foreboding FEAR, it’s the most wonderful time…of the YEAR!”
It helps me to be silly and to laugh about what I cannot control. I do think now is the time for us all to be especially nice to each other (if we can muster it) because the real problem of Christmastime can be the expectation of happiness.
I haven’t been writing the blog for a few reasons. Mostly I’m working tons, but I have found it increasingly hard to see the funny side of life and share it with all of you. In short, I’ve not been my usual happy self. I’ve had to cut way back on metalsmithing, due to early-onset joint problems in my hands, which also affects my writing. This has been a big one for me to get over (I’m working on it- enlightenment can be hard to come by) but mostly–even more than physical issues- I’ve been depressed since Trump was elected.
My faith in humanity shifted that day, like the world’s axis was knocked off. Here I was thinking I’d wake up to the first female president of the United States, and instead got someone who regularly abuses women. I know it’s old news, but I can’t seem to get over it. The fact that the news peppers us with increasingly hard to ignore tidbits of his bullshit/impending impeachment (maybe) makes me feel like a dog tied to a tree, plodding a groove in an endless circle. I can’t escape from it. It wasn’t until a friend of mine from the States said “she saw her husband’s personality change on election day” that I knew I wasn’t alone. Not all of us are able to shake it off. There are many who feel the very democracy of the U.S. is at stake right now.
But you live in Canada, Erin, you might remind me. Yes, I do. So, I have the double whammy of caring about what happens here (Trudeau–Judas Priest–show us some leadership!) and what happens to the U.S. and all my friends and family in it.
So…uh, Christmas. I’m going to try for my family’s sake to bake cookies and be merry and make it something for them. For me? I only want a few things. A false sense of security; hope for the future, and a parking space to open up at Park Royal Shopping center. What I really want? For everyone in the world to replace the roll of toilet paper, even if it’s in a restaurant or other person’s house (look around people, it’s just under the counter, or in the door under the sink, it’s not hard, just do it.)
If I focus on the spirit of Christmas, I can actually eek out a tiny fart of happiness about it. (Fffft!) It’s about family, and friends, being grateful and possibly drinking too much wine. The kids are going to be really excited about presents because we don’t spoil them at any other time of the year. And I know that we have our health, our family, and a nice house, and I try to push away all the repressed guilt I have about what I DO have (I blame the dogma- I’m a recovering Catholic).
I’m going to focus on these things, deeply inhale my pine-scented air freshener and try not to think about anything else. Definitely not Trump putting his head on (Avenger’s bad guy) Thanos’ body, exclaiming “he’s inevitable.” (Um…Thanos was a homicidal warlord trying to destroy half of all life in the Universe…so…um?)
Oh, fuck it. Have a Merry Christmas.
I’ll have a glass of wine and relax, for Pete’s sake.
And I’ll try to write some more blogs in the New Year. I just need to focus on the positive, and stay silly, which can falter if you listen too closely to the Christmas songs.