I was talking to a friend about this, feeling old. As in, “back in my day” old. “When I was a kid…” old. I’m now of that particular age when a person looks back and recognizes that certain norms have fallen away, replaced by the newer version of How Things Are. Not always for the better. Of course, we can say, as parents, that we had it worse than our parents. That will always be true because being a parent is hard, and we will gather any evidence we have and pull it around us like hoarders to prove it. That’s easy. Not all of us are parents- and this one is universal: ghosting.
I’m sorry, but what social grace has fallen away so that people feel the right they can just cut off your line of communication without any notice whatsoever? I mean, sure, there’s always been a form of ghosting around- ignoring a call, not dealing with an issue in a passive-aggressive way, etc. The Telus guy has been calling me for three months. Have I picked up? No. Am I ghosting him? I don’t think so, because we never had a communication in the first place and I know he wants to sell me something. I never called Telus and said, I’m having trouble with my internet. Can you call me? And then just NEVER PICKED UP.
This is incredibly annoying when you’ve applied for a job. You’ve gone the distance to send a resume, one they asked for. How hard is it to have a reply that says, “Thank you for your time. Although we cannot offer you the job, we appreciate your interest in our company.” Bam. Done. Everyone knows where everyone stands, and it is not a big deal, is it? Writers come up against this all the time. We submit to magazines and anthologies, and when we get a rejection…we’re thankful. Someone took the time to say, “We’re going to pass, but keep at it.” or one I got:
No. Not for us.
I laughed- and appreciated the candor and also the 2 seconds it took to send that off. There’s even an easier way to let writers down. Many of us use something called “Submittable,” which keeps track of your submissions and is a way for magazines to get in touch. It’s so easy! There are three buttons: Received (they got it!) Pending (in consideration!) and ACCEPT/REJECT. This is the one they seem to miss. I have a few that have been pending for years. Are they really? Are they in some virtual room, buried under each other on a desk overseen by Methuselah? No. Dude, just hit reject. I can take it, really I can. It’s no biggie. It takes you raising one finger and bringing it down on a button. I know you can do it. Even though I know this ghosting means it has been rejected, it should be somebody’s job to let me know, right?
Take Craigslist. This one we have all had.
“Hi there, do you still have the taxidermized rat in a thong on a miniature pole for sale?”
(or whatever it is you happen to be buying that day).
Yes! It’s only sixty bucks. When can you come to see it?
And you reply, “I’m free most of the day tomorrow?”
And then you wait. And you wait some more. You might wait 24 hours even before saying,
“Um, if it’s sold already, that’s fine, just let me know?” and then you wait. And you wait some more. Maybe they decided to keep this precious heirloom of their Grandmama’s. Maybe they sold it immediately after your exchange. WHO CARES– SAY SOMETHING, YOU MORON.
Then I can drown my sorrows about losing this blessed must-have or feel pleased that I dodged a last-minute impulse buy that would clash with all the other taxidermy animals. (Too Sexy!)
I want to say this is a millennial thing because all of us just on the other side of this divide like to think we don’t do these dickish things, too. But, I’m pretty positive this is becoming the norm rather than the occasional blip. It’s not polite, people. And why be a dick when it’s just so easy not to be? It’s a button or two, a moment of your time. Be kind. Let people down easy. But do something, okay? That being said, I am now going to pick up the phone the next time the Telus guy calls. I’m not saying I won’t pick it up and shout NO THANK YOU and slam it back down again, but at least everyone will know where they stand.