I cannot offer you free deals, coupons, or schooled advice, but I can give you a way of handling issues that may be bothering you. Public Service Announcements can be used by you, anytime, anywhere. If you have a printer handy, it’s even easier! Feel free to hang them at the office, in the subway, tuck them into airplane magazines. Pass on the information that you feel other people might find relevant!
Public Service Announcement # 321: GYM LOCKER ROOM ETIQUETTE
Many people don’t know this, but there are certain rules that should be followed when one is at the gym. Sure, the basics: no running by the pool, lock up your valuables, etc. But I have found the rules could be expanded, especially when it comes to the locker room.
1) WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED SHOWERING, FEEL FREE TO PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON.
i.e., Soonish. We are very happy for you, toned men and women, who parade around the locker room naked, flaunting nut-brown asses, acquired through vacations or the salon. We aren’t jealous, even though we can lose things in our own fat rolls. This too goes for those who are extremely overweight. We are glad you are okay with your body, and you want to put lotion on every inch of it. But both of you are putting on a show that in some countries would get you arrested under laws pertaining to exhibitionism.
2) DO NOT HAWWARK LOOGIES IN THE SHOWER.
This should be self explanatory. You would think this might just be in the men’s locker room. Oh no, women also suck back snot only to expel it with a ghastly splat. Where does it go? Do I have to step in it? Is it sliding down the tile somewhere? Eww. No. Don’t.
3) REMEMBER, THE SHOWER IS FOR EVERYONE.
This goes along with rule #2. When one walks into the shower and it looks like a small dog has been shaved in there, it is alarming. There are no dogs allowed in the shower. We all know that. Rinse it out, please.
Also, people are waiting for you to come out. ( i.e. me, shivering in the crappy hand-towel I have grabbed by accident.) We are trying to have patience while you exfoliate, loofah, shave, pluck, tweeze, squeeze, masturbate or whatever the hell you are doing in there that is taking so long. Unless you are homeless or having your plumbing re-done, you should keep it brief.
4) NO STARING AT OTHER PEOPLE’S BITS.
This too should be common sense. Guys, no comparing. We’re getting old now so it doesn’t matter anyway. And Ladies? Not all of us want to look like we’ve stepped out of a porno. Stop staring at mine just because it resembles a wooly mammoth, and I won’t mention your pubic mo-hawk to anyone. I wasn’t looking, by the way, you just forgot to put your clothes on, Rule #1.
I’m sure there are more rules that could be added, but I find these to be the most unmentioned. Feel free to add any of your own below. Stay tuned for more Public Service Announcements!
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