Its time to toughen up.
Not with my kids, I am already pretty tough on them, not in a “WHY DIDN’T YOU FINISH FIRST” sort of way, but in an “DON’T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT” kinda way. Although I don’t say bullshit, not yet. (The word lies there, bubbling under the surface, barely toed under the rug).
I need to grow a thicker skin, if I’m to raise children.
As one of those “sensitive flower” types, I get to be in touch with all sorts of feelings; empathy and compassion, sometimes to a fault. (My husband would add anger, but that’s a whole other bag) For instance, there is scant little funny blogs around the time of the Boston Bombings or when that creepy man in Chicago was caught with women hostages in his basement. I take these things as almost a personal loss, a notch taken out of my love for humanity. I think, why are we like this? What the hell is wrong with people? Then I feel intense sorrow for all the people who have lost loved ones in the senselessness. I give myself little windows of access to the news, as it’s mainly reports of chaos and murder; I find it hard to handle. My husband will come home and say, “Don’t look at the news tonight. Wait at least a day.” He knows me well, he knows that I will feel it, need to process it, and then be able to move on. This despair with humanity used to fuel political outrage, but since I’ve had kids, it hits me in a different way. I don’t know if its’ that they have to grow up in this…bullshit, or if it’s general beaten-down-ness. I can’t see it getting better, really, so I need to harden myself up a bit. If not for me, then for them. I want them to be able to process this stuff in a better way, find a place for it where it won’t create a cavity in their heart. Not that I want them to desensitize totally, I think society is doing that already, but somehow take their outrage and their sadness to a place where it can do some good. I hope for their sake, that they find ways of dealing with the world’s ills in a slightly less personal way. It’s not personal, it never was or will be. I have often wanted to start a news source that is only good news from around the world. My feedback is: no one will read it. I’m just a big hippie, really, and can’t see why peace and love are not the world’s highest priority, even though I know its naïve to think so.
But peace and love aren’t even the highest priority in my own house, much less the rest of the world. The thick skin? Start growing it sister, because your kids aren’t even teenagers yet. When my six year old says a mean thing to me, I know that this is “testing the waters” and I should let it roll right off. But it lodges, instead. I am in real trouble here if I can’t let it roll off now. I need to learn some moves, some dodges and weaves, some duck and covers. Someone forgot to memo me on this when I was thinking about having children. That sensitive nature of yours? It will score you points in some regards, and in others, it will blow up in your face, again and again. I don’t even have a plan of what to do. Drink more? Become addicted to running? Give myself pep talks in the mirror?
“You will be TOUGH! You will not let this affect you! Do you hear me, PRIVATE?!”
I think it starts somewhere with giving up control, knowing you can’t change what you can’t change, living in the moment. These are all quite lovely concepts, and when I remember them, I can even slow down my breathing, take it all in. And when I can’t, I think..HOLYFUCK this is HARD.
Any useful tips you might have are welcome. Any, “you’re not crazy, only slightly so” are welcome. And any ideas for toughening the skin, other than baking it to a leathery hide in the sun, are welcome. Actually, I’ll try that. Even a crispy sunburn might be a start.